VICTROLA FAVORITES About Victrola Favorites       Our Catalogue       Listening Parlour       Our Victrola       Delightful Diversions

An Introduction

Professor Robert Millis studies a candidate recording for a future Volume of Victrola Favorites in the luxurious Listening Parlour of the Climax Golden Institute of Archeosonography in Seattle, Washington.

Victrola Favorites is a series of cassette compilations of 78 rpm recordings from around the world. In selecting the Delightful Compositions for your listening Enjoyment, particular emphasis is placed upon presenting Audio Artifacts from non-Western nations and cultures, as well those which are Plain Odd and Amusing™.

The unannotated series is produced exclusively for Fire Breathing Turtle, a completely Independent purveyor of recording Curios, located in scenic and dreary Seattle, Washington.

There, at the Climax Golden Institute of Archeosonography, thematic Volumes consisting of musical Recordings of note and especial beauty, many of them Quite Rare, are assembled from hitherto unexplored Archives and Collections. The first Volume of Victrola Favorites was released in 1997, and additional Volumes have followed with consistently nonuniform periodicity to this very day.

How Victrola Favorites Volumes Are Produced

Each Volume is compiled from the Private collections of our Directing Archivists of Archeosonography, Professor Robert Millis and the Right Honorable Jeffrey Taylor. Occasionally, a Special Guest Archeosonographist is invited to curate a Volume devoted to a particular Category or Type of recording. Our Archivists and Guest Archeosonographists have scoured the World to collect the Finest 78 rpm recordings so that no other Bastard might take them home instead.

Our Assistant Audio Engineers prepare for a recording session.

Only the Original Article will do! The Selections presented in our fine Volumes are recorded only from the Original 78 rpm disks. We do not reproduce recordings from secondary sources. This ensures that your Listening Experience comes to you with the fewest Degrees of Separation possible.

The recording process is carefully supervised by Dr. Scott W. Colburn, President and Director of Sonic Reproductive Technology and Aural Pleasures at the Gravelvoice Institute for Modern Oscillations, under the attentive distraction of the aforementioned Directing Archivists of the Climax Golden Institute of Archeosonography.

All selections are played in Quasi-Sterile Laboratory Conditions on a hand-cranked, cabinet-type Victrola VV-210 phonograph manufactured circa 1924. This excellent specimen of Victrola technology is kept in Best Possible Condition™ by our Chief Engineer of Rotational Platter Physics and Combustible Inebrieatology, the Right Honorable Jeffrey Taylor.

The acoustic audio patterns emitted from the Speaker Cone are instantly captured by a Professional-grade Cardioid Condenser Microphone. The Microphone employs recognized scientific means to transduce the Acoustic Signal into a series of Magic Electronic Impulses, which are

Anatomy of the state-of-the-art audio reproduction technology in the Victrola phonographic machine.
subsequently transmitted over Highest-Quality Microphone Cable of the XLR type. This Cable then deposits the Magic Electronic Impulses into an extremely modern Tascam DA-P1 Digital Audio Tape Portable Pro Recording Device, to which it is attached. The Recording Device then instantly transforms the Magic Electronic Impulses into a highly complex (but Completely reliable) Mathematically Exact Reproduction of the Original acoustic audio patterns first emitted from the Speaker Cone of the Victrola machine mere fractions of a second earlier. Following these Extremely Rapid calculations, the Recording Device deposits the Digital Data onto a wafer-thin but Very Durable strip of plastic which has been chemically impregnated with Magnetically Senstive Metallic Particles and Alloys (commonly known as "tape", although it displays no adhesive properties upon physical contact).

The exacting scientific engineering process just described is Dilligently observed for every Selection to be included on each Volume.

Upon completion, the "tape" containing the Exact Mathematical Representations of the Selections is transported under disarmed guard to the Polyphonic Sonitorium at the Gravelvoice Institute for Modern Oscillations. There, Dr. Colburn uses a Cable Transference Process similar to that described above to deposit the Selections into a highly sophisticated multi-purpose Engineering device known as a "Computer". Once in the Computer, the Selections are adjusted by Dr.Colburn so that they have maximum Audio Quality and are in the proper Listening Order for Maximum Pleasure™. This order (or "sequence") is empirically determined by Prof. Millis and the Rt. Hon. Taylor through an elaborate testing procedure involving Aleatoric Para-Inhalational Divination and other patented processes. Only when the Volume has achieved a Reasonable Degree of Acceptability do the Directing Archivists of Archeosonography certify it with the Fire Breathing Turtle Seal of Quality®.

The quality cover art for Victrola Favorites cassettes is world renowned!


Once the Selections for the Volume have been assembled thusly, an Exact Mathematical Reproduction of the entire Contents is transferred, in its proper sequence, to a "Compact Disc" using the latest Desktop Laser Technology. This Compact Disc is then transported to the Duplication Laboratory. There, the Certified Volume is lovingly recorded, one at a time, onto high-quality Cassette Tapes. Finally, the Climax Golden Institute of Archeosonography's large staff of Professional Illustrational Artists create the stunning covers and label art for which Victrola Favorites has become so widely known. At last, each copy of the new Volume is Lovingly Assembled, carefully packaged for shipping, and Fire Breathing Turtle's fleet of Dwarf-Piloted Gyrocopters rushes the precious bundles to the ardently quiescent public.

Copyright © MMI Climax Golden Twins, Seattle, Washington, USA.